The American Dream, NRA version

From the Grand Rapids Press:

Two men died Wednesday, Sept. 18, in a shootout that stemmed from a road rage confrontation, Ionia police said.

Ionia Department of Public Safety officers were dispatched to Wonder Wand Car Wash in the 400 block of South Steele Street shortly before 7 p.m. on reports of shots fired. Police arrived to find two men with gunshot wounds.

Initial investigation shows the Ionia men, ages 43 and 56, pulled into the car wash parking lot after a road rage incident. They exited their vehicles and eventually drew handguns and exchanged fire, police said. It wasn't clear what the two men were arguing about.

Life EMS transported the men to Sparrow Ionia Hospital, where they were pronounced dead.

Police said both men, whose identities have not been released, held permits to carry concealed weapons.

Get that? Two men got angry when driving. (Yeah, that never happens, does it?) But these two men both had permits to carry concealed weapons. So they stopped and shot it out, both ending up dead.

Wow, it's the NRA dream, isn't it? Just think about how much safer those men were, carrying heat. After all, what would they have done if they'd gotten angry and didn't have a gun handy?

And think about how safe any bystanders were, too. The only thing which would have made them safer was if the bystanders, too, had been carrying guns, so they could join in the fun.

This is why having a gun at all times is so very necessary. After all, you never know when you might get angry - at your wife, at your neighbor's kid, at some random bad driver you'll never see again. (I guess you'll really never see him again, when the both of you end up dead.)

Without that gun, you might have to punch someone. Or, more likely, you'd be too timid for that, so you'd just flip the guy off and never stop, never get out of your car, never confront some anonymous moron at all - not without your steel courage.

You know, I was just thinking. Guess what the Internet needs. Yup, some way to shoot people. You meet these anonymous idiots all the time in website comments, right? Well, right now, all you can do is yell at them. Where's the satisfaction in that?

What the Internet really needs is concealed guns, don't you think? That way, when you get angry, you can actually shoot people. Just think of how much safer that would make all of us.

You know, the National Rifle Association really needs to look into that, to do some research into what could be a huge expansion of their business plan. There must be some way we can carry our Precious while we're surfing the web.

After all, you can never be too safe.

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PS. Hat tip to TPM for the link.