Saturday, November 9, 2013

Late night political humor

A few examples of late night political humor compiled by Daniel Kurtzman (h/t Mario Piperni), mixed with a few political cartoons:

"Newly leaked Edward Snowden intel says that the NSA has monitored the phone falls of 35 world leaders. The one who was the most pissed off was German Chancellor Angela Merkel, or as Fox News reported it, President Obama is tapping a white lady." –Bill Maher

"Over the weekend it came out that the U.S. has been listening in on German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cellphone since 2002. At this point, I feel like the only world leader our government doesn't listen to is President Obama." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama is still in trouble for this spying stuff. You can tell he is getting tired of talking about this scandal. Today he said, 'Anyone want to talk about my birth certificate?'" –Craig Ferguson

"Anybody try to sign up for the Obamacare? It's impossible, and everybody's furious. The Republicans are upset about Obamacare because something they tried to stop now won't get started." –David Letterman

"The Republicans are saying this is the worst presidential lie ever. Yes, Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and got thousands of people killed and said the war would pay for itself, but remember people, those were white lies." –Bill Maher

"I love Halloween; I call it Atheist Christmas." –Bill Maher

"Today 47 million of the poorest Americans had their food stamp benefits way reduced. This is the same day we launched our new stealth destroyer, the $3 billion USS Zumwalt. This is a ship that is nearly invisible, unlike the poor, who are completely invisible. I say if we're going to make ships that are invisible, why build them at all? Why not just tell the Iranians they're there?" –Bill Maher

"NSA leaker Edward Snowden got a new job in Moscow. Not only that, but he was also able to sign up for 'PutinCare.'" –Jay Leno

"NSA whistle-blower and traitor Edward Snowden, living in asylum in Russia, has released a manifesto directed at the United States claiming that telling the truth should not be a crime. And believe me, there's no better place to celebrate free speech, truth, and equal rights than in Russia." –Jay Leno

"Rand Paul, the senator from Kentucky, keeps getting into trouble. They say he actually plagiarized an entire section of his 2012 book, 'Government Bullies.' When asked for comment, Paul said, 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Rand Paul has been accused of cheating in three separate instances. When asked about the charges, Paul said, 'Four score and seven years ago...'" –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama's approval rating is down to 39 percent. And Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, who admitted to smoking crack cocaine, went up to 49 percent. How does this make Obama feel? He'd be better off smoking crack than passing Obamacare." –Jay Leno

"The mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, has admitted that he smoked crack a year ago when he was in a quote, 'drunken stupor.' Geez, if that guy smokes crack when he's drunk, I'd hate to see what happens when he smokes crack." –Jimmy Fallon

"The new mayor of New York City is a progressive Democrat with an African-American wife who used to be a lesbian. Or as Fox News reported, the apocalypse is upon us." –Conan O'Brien

"Half of the state of Colorado voted to secede from the United States. This is what happens when you legalize marijuana." –David Letterman

No comments: