The pink-faced half-wit

From that premier news source called The Onion comes this article about the pink-faced half-wit:

The most recent pink-faced half-wit has reportedly captured the popular imagination through the conventional vehicles of a nationally syndicated talk-radio program and a cable news television show. According to media analyst Rebecca Ellington, the pink-faced half-wit has mesmerized the nation by spewing out hundreds of predictably reactionary and emotionally manipulative on-air diatribes.

"This particular pink-faced half-wit is at the height of his persuasive powers," Ellington said of the bloated, hateful multimillionaire. "By exploiting citizens' greatest anxieties during an uncertain time in our nation's history, the pink-faced half-wit has been able to promote his own vain, avaricious self-interests under the guise of standing up for the very disenfranchised people whom he himself is fleecing."

"I've seen a number of pink-faced half-wits during my career, and in the pantheon of bombastic demagogues, this one will surely be remembered as one of the most disgusting," Ellington continued. "It's truly extraordinary: He may well be too ambitious and narcissistic to be able to comprehend how much damage he is doing to our country."

According to scholars, pink-faced half-wits have had remarkable staying power throughout history despite their outlandish, easily debunked claims, shameless self-promotion, and complete lack of credentials. More often than not, experts said, these pasty, shallow dullards skillfully manage to control debate on the most important social and political topics of the day.