Monday, March 30, 2015

Republicans fight new White House initiative

"Germie," the loveable new children's toy from Koch Industries

From the Washington Post:
The White House announced an aggressive plan Friday to combat antibiotic-resistant bacteria, a mounting problem that causes an estimated 2 million illnesses and 23,000 deaths every year in the United States.

In related news, Republican Party leaders have stopped washing their hands. If Barack Obama is against germs, they're now strongly pro-germ.

GOP congressmen have proposed a new law for the protection and proliferation of antibiotic-resistant germs, and as the first stage of that, they've eliminated soap in congressional washrooms and turned off water to the sinks. And 47 Republican senators have just sent a letter to Pigpen, attempting to sabotage America's work in getting him to clean up.

In a press conference, Republican leaders accused the White House of perpetrating a hoax on the American people. "Germ theory is just a theory, not a fact," said one. "There's not one word about germs in the Bible. And why would God have made so many of them, if they were bad? Clearly, this is just a global conspiracy of medical scientists who don't recognize American exceptionalism."

Since the announcement, Fox News has been talking nonstop about Germgate, openly wondering why the "liberal media" have bought into all this germ nonsense. Meanwhile, Republicans in the House of Representatives are nearing all-out battle, as every committee chairman wants his committee to take point on this critical issue.

Republican politicians urged patriotic Americans to send them all the dirty money they could, promising to hide it away from the antibiotic properties of sunlight and fresh air.


4 comments:

jeff725 said...

Where the hell did you get that picture of me??

"Germie" is what I've been hacking up ALL weekend. I'm one of these people that doesn't get a "little" cold; I feel like a freight train ran over me. And the whole house has got it. Even our 16-year old parakeet has got the sniffles.

At first, I thought I caught it from someone at work, but I've become convinced that my Mom is the culprit. She just had cataract surgery recently, and what better place to catch a virus than a (bleeping) HOSPITAL.

Cough, cough, cough....hack, hack, hack. Time to go buy more Sudafed.

WCG said...

I see you've become a Republican, Jeff, giving a home to deserving germs. Take that, Obama! :)

I'm sorry to hear that such a good deed is causing you such misery, though.

Chimeradave said...

Funny stuff :)

WCG said...

Thanks, John. I tend to think I'm funny,... but people rarely agree with me about that. :)