God finally put to sleep

(The Onion)

From The Onion:

Citing an inability to adequately care for the aging all-powerful deity, members of the human race told reporters Monday that they were forced to put down God, the omniscient creator worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years. ...

In the hours since the passing of The Maker of Heaven and Earth, the human race told reporters that, while they certainly missed having Him around, they preferred to enjoy their fond memories of a younger and more energetic God.

“The excitability and joy for life He used to radiate was infectious,” said Maria Castellanos of Guadalajara, Mexico, referring to the days when the Divine Being would friskily follow the human race wherever they went and “get Himself into all kinds of trouble.” “But for the last millennia or so, He spent most of His time just moping around—rarely ever using His omnipotence and barely even capable of rendering miracles and answering prayers. He hardly even acknowledged [humanity] as we went about our day, really.” ...

Despite reporting a distinct feeling of sadness and loss, the human race confirmed today that they were also reminiscing on many memories of the Supreme Lord and Savior’s life, from His very first creation of the heavens and earth, to the time He rambunctiously flooded the earth for 150 days, to His allowance of the Holocaust from 1938 to 1945, to the sweet sunset he conjured on the evening of July 12, 1998.

“The thing that makes me feel better is knowing that He had a great life, even when things got a little rough at the very end,” Beijing-area human Huai Cheng said. “It’ll be hard letting go, but when it’s the right time, we’ll talk about getting another God.”

“Maybe even two of them,” Huai added.

Whoa! Let's not be in a big hurry about getting a new god, let alone two! I think we forget how much trouble a young god can be.

Let's see how it goes without a god for awhile. The worst thing we could do is get a new god on the rebound. After all, the big problem with the old god is that we were not thinking, but only feeling.

Sure, it will seem strange at first, not having anywhere to go on Sunday mornings. But it won't be bad, just different. And once the fog clears from our minds, I think we'll enjoy seeing things clearly for a change.

Let's try it at least, OK? After a few millennia, if we still miss the old god, we can think about getting a new one - maybe a smaller god, fully housebroken and calm-mannered. We don't want a new god who'll break all our nice things.