Thursday, November 24, 2011

Are you eating a Muslim turkey?


The image above is from TPM's article about this, but I prefer the explanation from Indecision Forever:
You probably thought that you were going to enjoy a nice Christian Thanksgiving with your nice Christian family and your Christian friends in your Christian dining room tomorrow. But then… Surprise, Muslism!
A citizen activist and reader of my website wrote to Butterball, one of the most popular producers of Thanksgiving turkeys in the United States, asking them if their turkeys were halal. Wendy Howze, a Butterball Consumer Response Representative, responded: "Our whole turkeys are certified halal."…

Across this great country, on Thanksgiving tables nationwide, infidel Americans are unwittingly going to be serving halal turkeys to their families this Thursday. Turkeys that are halal certified — who wants that, especially on a day on which we are giving thanks to G-d for our freedom? I wouldn't knowingly buy a halal turkey — would you? Halal turkey, slaughtered according to the rules of Islamic law, is just the opposite of what Thanksgiving represents: freedom and inclusiveness, neither of which are allowed for under that same Islamic law.

Oh no! I don't want invisible Musliminess all over my Thanksgiving bird! Get it it off! Get it off!

I don't know about you, but [I] went out shopping this past weekend with three very specific prerequisites for my turkey: 1) That it be heterosexual, 2) that it had signed a pledge in opposition to all tax increases prior to its slaughtering, and 3) that it had been brought up in a good God-fearing Lutheran family.

Maybe I'd settle for an Jewish turkey. Maybe. But not like a liberal Jewish intellectual turkey or anything. If it wants to be slaughtered for my family and served with my sister's recipe for raisin and walnut stuffing, it best have had a literalist view of Biblical history, or no dice!

Heh, heh. Hilarious, isn't it? Well, you have a very scary Thanksgiving and watch out for the Muslim turkeys, OK?

But most of you, I suspect, will have to worry more about the Christian bull. And me? I plan to be a little atheist pig today. :)


Chimeradave said...

You sir are a funny man. Even though you didn't write most of that, at least you recognize comic gold when you find it.

WCG said...

Thanks, John. And yes, I do know the difference. I appreciate humor, rather than writing it myself. But I'm still glad you liked it. :)

Anonymous said...

I heard about that this year, the whole Butterball islamophobia issue. I like your sense of humor.
People who are so worried about this issue, need to do some research instead of jumping on the beat up my Muslim neighbor band wagon and make a big deal about nothing.
The Pilgrims had their own religion apart from the Catholics and Lutherans. Their form of Religion was getting them killed, hence part of the reason they left England to begin with. And the Indians were of Native American religion that was definitely not Christian.
So the thought that your Turkey must be Christian is crazy. Pretty positive if anything, the way they killed and slaughtered their turkeys was probably closer to the way the Muslims kill and slaughter theirs was very similar.

This holiday I am going to sit at my table with my Lutheran husband, my Muslim daughter, my Christian daughter and my Buddhist exchange student and atheist brother and eat my Halal turkey (Thank you Butterball) and eat Mexican tamales with Idaho potatoes and French silk pie. Then I am going to sit on my Amish sofa and pass my fat butt out watching American Football. lol
Long live the Melting Pot of the World.

WCG said...

Yes, indeed, Anonymous. And I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanks for the comment!